


The Truths That Lie in The Photos We Take

by Lots_O_Lemons



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied John Constantine/Zari Tarazi, John Constantine Needs A Hug, Mucous Membrane | John Constantine's Band, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26683375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lots_O_Lemons/pseuds/Lots_O_Lemons
Summary: John Constantine keeps four pictures in his wallet, so he’ll never forget the mistakes he made or the people he lost.Or, three times John kept pictures as punishment, and a fourth time he didn’t.*Attempted Suicide Warning*
Relationships: John Constantine/Zari Tomaz | Zari Tarazi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 51





	The Truths That Lie in The Photos We Take

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I clearly don't own Constantine or The Legends of Tomorrow franchises  
> SUICIDE ATTEMPT WARNING

John Constantine carries his wallet with him wherever he goes. It isn’t because of his license, or even his money (though he wouldn’t mind keeping a hold of that too). It’s because of the pictures. Three photographs, each holding a story of his loved ones. They aren’t there as a memory of those people, though. They are there as a reminder. A reminder not to get too attached to anyone, lest they suffer the consequences of knowing John Constantine.

One.

Being hit wasn’t new to John. Anything he did could result in being backhanded by his father, even if he hadn’t been doing anything. It seemed that was the case this time when he was greeted by a slap to the face.

John was taken aback, knowing his father couldn’t possibly have any real reason to do it this time. For god’s sake, he had just walked into the house. How was his dad already pissed at him?

Tom was angry most of the time anyway, but this felt different. There was definitely a reason behind the fury, if only John knew what it was. He didn’t have time to figure it out as he was punched straight in the jaw.

His head slammed into the wall and he saw stars in his vision, something he was pretty sure wasn’t a good sign. Tom grabbed him by the shirt and held him up, staring him in the eyes.

“Where’s Cheryl?”

Cheryl? Why was he asking John? John wanted his sister there more than anything. She could always defuse the bomb that was their father before he did any real damage.

“What do you-?” He hadn’t finished the sentence before his head was slammed back into the wall, making his ears ring and his vision go black for a second.

“Her note.” His dad said plainly. “Where did she go.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. John was only 12 but he knew when his father wanted something out of him, he would get it.

“What are you talking-” Another, harder, slam into the wall, causing John’s legs to give out beneath him, his father’s death-grip on the shirt the only thing holding him up.

“Where is she!?”

“I don’t know!” John’s voice was laced with terror, tears only seconds away from falling out of his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Tom let his son fall to the floor, angrily stomping away. John caught his breath, willing himself to stand up again.

His father walked back into the living room, a crumpled piece of paper in his clenched fist. “Her note! You knew she was going to do this! Where is she!?” John was lifted up by his throat and he started digging his nails into his father’s callused hands, desperate to break free. “Where did Cheryl run away to!?”

John was now beating his hands on his father’s. He hadn’t even heard what Tom had last said, his lack of airflow making him panic. He’d do anything to get him to let go, including lying.

“Christie’s! She went to Christie’s!”

Tom immediately dropped him and ran out the door. Relief washed away any creeping feelings of guilt he had felt at sending his dad away to someone else.  
The paper his father had had in his hands was on the floor next to John and he picked it up.

"I’m leaving. Don’t try to find me because by the time you’ve found this note I’ll be long gone. Goodbye. -Cheryl"

Leaving? Long gone? Goodbye? Every ounce of self-control John had left was swept away, leaving the shell of a heartbroken little boy sobbing on the ground.

He got up, wiping his tears away only for them to be replaced instantly. He passed by the living room table on his way to his room, and on it, a picture of him and 

Cheryl. It was his favorite one, taken by Cheryl’s friends at the fair. It had been one of the best days of John’s life.

There aren’t going to be any more days like that. Never again.

He picked it up and taped it to his door, if this worked it would be the last thing he ever saw. He dragged a chair over to where he had hung his tie from the fan.

Facing towards the photograph, he put his neck in the tie and kicked the chair out.

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t break free. His vision was going dark, the only thing keeping him conscious was the sound of his father, stomping up the stairs to his room.

The door was thrust open. As soon as his father saw him struggling to breathe he smiled, then left. If it wasn’t for some invisible force moving the tie a little closer to his chin, he would’ve died. He kind of wished he did.

The picture was still on the door and he took it off, placing it in his pocket. No one loved him, not even his sister. He had to remember that.

Two.

“Come on, Gary, live a little!”

Anne Marie, John, and Natalie were climbing out a window and onto a fire escape, their latest attempt at getting their band a gig turning out to be a terrible idea. 

Gary stood inside, uncertainly looking between the window and the door of the hotel room they had broken into.

“Mate, if you don’t come with us we’re gonna leave you here!” John half-shouted from down the ladder. Nat rubbed her shoe on one of the rings, sending dirt into John’s face. “Alright, alright, we won’t leave you. We’ll get you out of jail in the morning.” He narrowly avoided more dirt to the face, laughing.

“Gary, please come down with us,” Anne pleaded, using her nicest voice. “Chas is in the car, we can get him to drive us someplace to grab a bite to eat.” Then she added, “But only if you come with us.”

Gary sighed, climbing out the window. The other three cheered, despite almost being on the ground already.

Once they were all down they made their way to the van. John had wanted to spray paint ‘Mucous Membrane’ on the side but Chas wouldn’t allow it. John did it anyway, leading to a faded pink and green splotch, nearly but not totally wiped away.

“Took you guys long enough.” Chas started the car, pulling away from the parking spot.

“We might’ve run into a bit of trouble,” Nat started, failing to conceal a laugh. Anne giggled too, sending the whole van, exempt a confused Chas, into uncontrollable laughter.

After the chaos had died down a bit, and they had told Chas how they had asked the club owner for a gig, he had laughed in their faces, John -No! It was Nat who started it!- had gotten into a fight, and they had escaped to the nearest hotel, that they finally stopped to get some food.

Five cheeseburgers and several drinks later, the gang found themselves walking along a random street, laughing and jabbing half-hearted insults at each other.

Gary stopped at a sign, a smile across his face. “ St. John Avenue! What a coincidence, eh, John?”

The taller man rolled his eyes, struggling to hide a smirk. His friends laughed at him from under the sign, the light from the streetlamp illuminating their faces.

“You know, this isn’t so bad a place for a picture.” Anne had already started pulling a camera out of her bag before anyone could protest.

John tried to walk away, groaning as Chas pulled him back towards the group. Natalie dragged a rock from the corner of someone’s yard next to the sign, standing on it and leaning on Chas’ shoulders. Anne took a similar position, one arm on John and another on Gary, placing her and Chas (behind her) in the middle.

The camera was balanced on a trash can that had undoubtedly been placed there by Anne. It was on a timer for ten seconds, enough time for them to get in place, too much time for them to keep a straight face.

The photo didn’t turn out the way they expected, Natalie laughing into Chas’ shoulder, and Chas pretending to chokehold John and Gary, Anne squished and laughing in the middle. 

No, it didn’t turn out the way they expected, but it turned out that the way they expected wasn’t the way they wanted, and that was just fine with John. 

It wasn’t until he met up with Anne Marie again, years later, that he put the image in his wallet. He needed to be reminded that everyone who knew him was in danger, and a photo of the friends he had failed was a perfect way to keep himself in check.

Three.

“So you’re saying we came all the way here, and we don’t even get to check it out?” Zed crossed her arms and leaned on the taxicab. “We did the job, let’s celebrate!”

‘The job’ was finding out what was killing people in an Arizona town. Turned out to be a particularly nasty banshee, one whose death scream literally caused death.  
It wasn’t anything the team couldn’t handle though.

John opened his car door, ready to get in and get out of Arizona. “What’s so special about a bunch of rocks?”

Chas joined in on the conversation while pulling onto the road. “It’s about the experience, John. So you can say ‘I saw the Grand Canyon’.”

John was thinking up a retort when Zed poked her head into the front. “Come on, please?”

He sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fine. But we’re not staying there all day. We do still have the problem of the rising darkness, remember.”

He wasn’t actually sure if it was too big a problem anymore. Manny hadn’t spoken to him in a week, not even with a cryptic message about a case. Not that John was complaining.

Zed cheered, her smile of victory making him laugh. “Alright, alright. Calm down.”

Chas put on the music as Zed sat back down. John stared out the window. Family vacation, how fun.

Soon enough they were at the tourist attraction. Zed jumped out of the car as soon as it was stopped, to the annoyance of the boys.

She practically dragged John to the edge of the cliff, peering down with the excitement of a sugar deprived kid in a candy store. Chas was right behind them, laughing at the vastly different emotions on their faces. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” She asked. Leaning way down on the railing, she laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s beautiful.” John acted like he didn’t care, but it really surprised him. He didn’t expect there to be this much of the canyon. It never ended.

“Excuse me,” Chas went up to a couple near them. “Would you mind taking a picture of us?”

He handed them his phone and went over to pose with his friends. Zed jumped onto John’s back, arms around his neck. John couldn’t help but laugh, holding her hands so she didn’t choke him to death. Chas sat on the railing behind them, hands thrown up in the air like he was on a rollercoaster.

That was John’s favorite picture. It was him with the people he loved, his family. That’s why it hurt so much when they left. Why it hurt so much when he took the photo from its frame on his nightstand and put it in his wallet. He wasn’t supposed to get attached, because as soon as he got close to someone, let them into his heart, they would be ripped away.

Four.

“Another Legends mission wrapped up with a bow, right team?” Sara was the captain, which meant she had to keep her team’s spirits up, even if the last mission was pretty terrible.

“Sara, I almost died.” Behrad countered. “Twice.”

“But, you didn’t!” She smiled. “And that’s all that counts, right, guys?”

Nate, Zari, and Behrad let out small unenthusiastic ‘yeahs’. Ava patted Sara on the shoulder pityingly.

The legends, even John and Mick, were dressed in 1911 attire. Zari thought it was a bit outdated, but she still managed to pull off the big bow hat with matching parasol.

“I am so gonna need a picture of this,” She said, phone out against Sara’s wishes. “It's not every day you get to be a 1st class passenger aboard a beautiful boat.”

Her brother snorted. “We’re lucky it wasn’t the Titanic. You would’ve stayed to see how fancy the life jackets were.”

She threw him a glare, rolling her eyes. Before she could argue Nate spoke up.

“I mean, we do look pretty good, dude.” He took off his top hat and bowed at Ava. “My lady.”

“Oh, how charming,” Ava laughed.

John smiled at the group. They might’ve been a group of fools and misfits, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t one too. He would never admit it, but he felt at home with the legends. Hell, he was a legend.

“So, are we taking this picture or what?” Sara stole the phone from Zari’s hands. “Get in, legends.”

She had a way people, like you could instantly trust her. If John didn’t know any better he would’ve walked into the camera’s line of sight right when she told him to. It took a bit more convincing than that, AKA Zari pulling him in rather roughly.

Somehow, and for the life of him couldn’t figure it out, John had gotten placed in the middle. Sara was to his left, arm around her girlfriend. Nate and Behrad stood behind them, and John thought he saw them making weird faces out of the corner of his eye. Mick was in the back only half paying attention. And Zari, Zari was right next to him, holding his hand.

“Are we taking a group photo?” Gary walked in right before the camera went off. Everyone groaned as he pushed his way to the middle, right behind John and in front of Behrad and Nate. The goofy look on his face as he apologized made John laugh, and as he did Ava yelled out to face the camera.

They had actually caught him smiling. In a legends picture too. He would never hear the end of it. The teasing was all worth it for the way they all looked at him though. Not like someone who could hurt them, but someone they could trust. He trusted them too.

They all got copies of the photo, and John did put it in his wallet. But he didn’t do it alone, and really, that’s what matters in the end.


End file.
